Thursday, July 13, 2006
New Direction...
Hey all, I'm taking a new direction with this blog. Don't worry...I'm still staying with the observational humor and I'm still the Funny Little Brown Man. It'll just be more quips and less drivel. You'll see! Thanks for reading!
Friday, February 10, 2006
On Stupid People...
Yeah, some of you MAY be reading this right now, and damn it I don't care. You probably wouldn't get this anyway.
I'm a public servant. I service people who are supposedly "educated". There are times though when I look across the desk at the person in front of me and ask myself, "What the f%$^ do you think you're doing?"
I service teachers, so I worry about the state of education in America. I've had teachers who CANNOT follow directions. Yup. Remember those tests back in the day where you had to read every question completely before you start and half the class would complete the entire test before finding out all they had to do was write their name on the top and hand it in...well, these were teachers who were in the half of the class that failed that exam.
I service teachers who take FOREVER to fill out forms. And it's not like their handwriting is teacher-immaculate. NOPE.
They say beauty fades, stupid is forever. I certainly hope not!
Makes me worry about who will be teaching my kids!
Ain't it funny? And kinda sad too?
I'm a public servant. I service people who are supposedly "educated". There are times though when I look across the desk at the person in front of me and ask myself, "What the f%$^ do you think you're doing?"
I service teachers, so I worry about the state of education in America. I've had teachers who CANNOT follow directions. Yup. Remember those tests back in the day where you had to read every question completely before you start and half the class would complete the entire test before finding out all they had to do was write their name on the top and hand it in...well, these were teachers who were in the half of the class that failed that exam.
I service teachers who take FOREVER to fill out forms. And it's not like their handwriting is teacher-immaculate. NOPE.
They say beauty fades, stupid is forever. I certainly hope not!
Makes me worry about who will be teaching my kids!
Ain't it funny? And kinda sad too?
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
On Activists...
I like doing things for myself. I cook, I clean, I think. I also like having my own opinions. What I don't like is when people start shoving their opinions down my throat. I can make up my own mind and I have been known to change my opinion from time to time. What I don't need is an overzealous activist screaming his or her opinion in my ear trying to get me to change my mind.
Pro-choice and anti-abortionists, democrats and republicans, anti-drugs and pro medical marijuana, nuclear family and gay marriages. I believe that everybody has a cause that is near and dear to their heart. I understand that, I have my own. I understand that this is the very foundation under which America was built. These are our freedoms. What is NOT part of this foundation is having people encroach on my right to think and speak freely by forcefeeding me their version of what is right.
I am an intelligent, free-thinking human being capable of formulating an opinion based on thought, study and an open-mindedness. Innundated me with your personal rhetoric and I'd rather listen to your opponent and base my beliefs on what they have to say, right or wrong, just to spite you.
If you want to convince me, argue your point, show me evidence, prove the opponent wrong on the important points. Don't yell, don't force it on me. Make me WANT to listen...don't make me HAVE to listen. The moment I have to do something I'm going to do my best not to do it unless absolutely necessary.
Ain't it funny?
Pro-choice and anti-abortionists, democrats and republicans, anti-drugs and pro medical marijuana, nuclear family and gay marriages. I believe that everybody has a cause that is near and dear to their heart. I understand that, I have my own. I understand that this is the very foundation under which America was built. These are our freedoms. What is NOT part of this foundation is having people encroach on my right to think and speak freely by forcefeeding me their version of what is right.
I am an intelligent, free-thinking human being capable of formulating an opinion based on thought, study and an open-mindedness. Innundated me with your personal rhetoric and I'd rather listen to your opponent and base my beliefs on what they have to say, right or wrong, just to spite you.
If you want to convince me, argue your point, show me evidence, prove the opponent wrong on the important points. Don't yell, don't force it on me. Make me WANT to listen...don't make me HAVE to listen. The moment I have to do something I'm going to do my best not to do it unless absolutely necessary.
Ain't it funny?
On Protestors...
Filipinos got a protest for everything. I do believe there are professional protesters that do it for money not for cause.
I remember not so long ago when that truck driver was taken hostage, Angelo de la Cruz. There was an incredible outcry for his release. Protesters appeared from all over the Philippines calling for the removal of some 70 troops so that he could be released. Bowing under the pressure, the Philippine government did what it took to get de la Cruz released. Because of the threat to "internationals" in Iraq the Philippine government also banned Overseas Contract Workers (OCWs) from going to Iraq for work.
Well, that action forced people to the streets again to protest. They need to open up entry into Iraq because people need to work, they said.
As an outsider looking in, it's like you're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't. The pull people and bar entry into that country to keep their people safe, but they want the ports open so they can send people back to work...and back in harms way. GRRRR!
You turn on the Philippine news and there are people protesting one thing or another. For the government, against the government...you can't make ANYBODY happy. It just seems like Filipinos can't be satisfied with the status quo.
I bet you somebody would protest if Buddha farted!
You can't please everybody all the time, but it seems like NOBODY is pleased there. Everyone marches and everyone has a complaint...but nobody wants to do anything about it. I guess you can't blame them, as corrupt as the government is there nothing ever seems to get done unless a profit is involved.
Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like had the country succumbed and because a US state...I wonder how different the place would have been...a governor instead of a president...a valid and actual economy that worked...better checks and balances...would the people be happy? Would things be better? I don't know. But things aren't working right.
Maybe I'll protest!
Ain't it funny?
I remember not so long ago when that truck driver was taken hostage, Angelo de la Cruz. There was an incredible outcry for his release. Protesters appeared from all over the Philippines calling for the removal of some 70 troops so that he could be released. Bowing under the pressure, the Philippine government did what it took to get de la Cruz released. Because of the threat to "internationals" in Iraq the Philippine government also banned Overseas Contract Workers (OCWs) from going to Iraq for work.
Well, that action forced people to the streets again to protest. They need to open up entry into Iraq because people need to work, they said.
As an outsider looking in, it's like you're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't. The pull people and bar entry into that country to keep their people safe, but they want the ports open so they can send people back to work...and back in harms way. GRRRR!
You turn on the Philippine news and there are people protesting one thing or another. For the government, against the government...you can't make ANYBODY happy. It just seems like Filipinos can't be satisfied with the status quo.
I bet you somebody would protest if Buddha farted!
You can't please everybody all the time, but it seems like NOBODY is pleased there. Everyone marches and everyone has a complaint...but nobody wants to do anything about it. I guess you can't blame them, as corrupt as the government is there nothing ever seems to get done unless a profit is involved.
Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like had the country succumbed and because a US state...I wonder how different the place would have been...a governor instead of a president...a valid and actual economy that worked...better checks and balances...would the people be happy? Would things be better? I don't know. But things aren't working right.
Maybe I'll protest!
Ain't it funny?
On Lance Armstrong and Bikers in General...
Dayam...Lance Armstrong got another one...what is that...7?
My brother-in-law is going to kill me for this post, but you know...it's an open forum for me so what the hell...it's MY forum anyway, right? The feats of the Tour de France riders and teams amaze me. To bike up and down mountains and over cobblestones for days on end amazes me. It's the ultimate gut-check. These guys are good at what they do and that's why they do it.
What gets me is the after-work rider. Back at my old job, on my way home I'd drive by a peloton of riders all pedaling as a group. It's cool and all and I'm not quashing anybody's drive for fitness. To each his own. But, each and every one dressed like they were part of the tour...logos galore. I've never seen so much lycra in my life. It's now become a fashion statement. The other day I went to Jamba Juice and even they sell a bike jersey. Go figure.
I don't know...for me, I'm not too keen on any sport that requires me to dress up first. Hi-tops and a basketball...cool. A pair of Adidas and the open pavement...even better. Leather cleats, tri-pod golf bag, a Ping hat, tees, ball cleaner...etc...NEVERMIND. A karate gi I'll give you. You've gotta look like you can kick some ass if you're going to do that sport. I'll even give you ring shoes, gloves and head gear...but I gotta draw the line somewhere. You don't see a boxer walking into an office building in his shorts with his hands taped up do you? So don't bring your biker-shorts wearing ass into a place of business. That's just bringing so much uncalled for attention to your nads and I just don't want that as part of my life.
Maybe I'm boring. Maybe I'm cheap. Maybe it's too OA for me. Maybe I just don't give a damn.
Ain't it funny?
My brother-in-law is going to kill me for this post, but you know...it's an open forum for me so what the hell...it's MY forum anyway, right? The feats of the Tour de France riders and teams amaze me. To bike up and down mountains and over cobblestones for days on end amazes me. It's the ultimate gut-check. These guys are good at what they do and that's why they do it.
What gets me is the after-work rider. Back at my old job, on my way home I'd drive by a peloton of riders all pedaling as a group. It's cool and all and I'm not quashing anybody's drive for fitness. To each his own. But, each and every one dressed like they were part of the tour...logos galore. I've never seen so much lycra in my life. It's now become a fashion statement. The other day I went to Jamba Juice and even they sell a bike jersey. Go figure.
I don't know...for me, I'm not too keen on any sport that requires me to dress up first. Hi-tops and a basketball...cool. A pair of Adidas and the open pavement...even better. Leather cleats, tri-pod golf bag, a Ping hat, tees, ball cleaner...etc...NEVERMIND. A karate gi I'll give you. You've gotta look like you can kick some ass if you're going to do that sport. I'll even give you ring shoes, gloves and head gear...but I gotta draw the line somewhere. You don't see a boxer walking into an office building in his shorts with his hands taped up do you? So don't bring your biker-shorts wearing ass into a place of business. That's just bringing so much uncalled for attention to your nads and I just don't want that as part of my life.
Maybe I'm boring. Maybe I'm cheap. Maybe it's too OA for me. Maybe I just don't give a damn.
Ain't it funny?
MORE on Bad Drivers...
I almost got into a car accident yesterday...because of an idiot driver.
So I'm driving back to work from lunch (I go home almost every day...it's just cheaper that way), I'm in the left lane and this idiot is in the right lane slightly ahead of me, but sitting behind a big-rig. The fool tries to get around the truck but he's taking up my lane with me in it. I swerve into oncoming traffic and honk my horn, he corrects himself. I catch up to him and give him the death stare. You know the one! The what-the-hell-were-you-thinking-you-stupid-idiot stare.
The fool stays on his cellphone (yes, he kept it in his ear the whole time) and waves "sorry" to me. I swear if he hit me I would have opened up a can on him.
In Japan, when you're a novice driver, they attach a yellow and green arrow to your car by magnet or suction cup. I think they should do that here in the US with idiot drivers...a yellow warning "!" letting everyone know that an idiot is driving, stay away. The more idiotic things you do on the road, the bigger the "!". I know some people who's "!" would be bigger than the car they drive.
I hate to be racial about this, but it seems like certain Asian nationalities seem to be the worst. Go to any Asian market or mini-mall and you'll understand what I mean...driving the wrong way in a parallel lot, driving in the middle so oncoming traffic can't get by, making up their own spaces. God forbid they get on the freeway and surface streets. Aw hell...driving too slow, blinker on for 15 minutes straight, braking 200 yards away from the stop, braking too damned much for no apparent reason but their own, turning left from the lane next to the turning lane...etc. I wonder if they get their license out of pity or out of spite. I mean, they're all probably the best people in the world...they just can't drive to save themselves.
Yes, technically I am shitting on my own people, but damn it if they need to be shitted on from time to time! I make no excuse for this. My reign of terror is unilateral! Yes, I realize that people need to drive, especially in California where things are so far apart from each other, but dayam...a license is earned so it should be taken away just as easily.
Beauty does fade and stupid definitely is forever and in many cases when it comes to driving you just have to know when to say when.
Ain't it funny?
So I'm driving back to work from lunch (I go home almost every day...it's just cheaper that way), I'm in the left lane and this idiot is in the right lane slightly ahead of me, but sitting behind a big-rig. The fool tries to get around the truck but he's taking up my lane with me in it. I swerve into oncoming traffic and honk my horn, he corrects himself. I catch up to him and give him the death stare. You know the one! The what-the-hell-were-you-thinking-you-stupid-idiot stare.
The fool stays on his cellphone (yes, he kept it in his ear the whole time) and waves "sorry" to me. I swear if he hit me I would have opened up a can on him.
In Japan, when you're a novice driver, they attach a yellow and green arrow to your car by magnet or suction cup. I think they should do that here in the US with idiot drivers...a yellow warning "!" letting everyone know that an idiot is driving, stay away. The more idiotic things you do on the road, the bigger the "!". I know some people who's "!" would be bigger than the car they drive.
I hate to be racial about this, but it seems like certain Asian nationalities seem to be the worst. Go to any Asian market or mini-mall and you'll understand what I mean...driving the wrong way in a parallel lot, driving in the middle so oncoming traffic can't get by, making up their own spaces. God forbid they get on the freeway and surface streets. Aw hell...driving too slow, blinker on for 15 minutes straight, braking 200 yards away from the stop, braking too damned much for no apparent reason but their own, turning left from the lane next to the turning lane...etc. I wonder if they get their license out of pity or out of spite. I mean, they're all probably the best people in the world...they just can't drive to save themselves.
Yes, technically I am shitting on my own people, but damn it if they need to be shitted on from time to time! I make no excuse for this. My reign of terror is unilateral! Yes, I realize that people need to drive, especially in California where things are so far apart from each other, but dayam...a license is earned so it should be taken away just as easily.
Beauty does fade and stupid definitely is forever and in many cases when it comes to driving you just have to know when to say when.
Ain't it funny?
On Ugly Babies...
Why can't you tell a parent his or her child is ugly? This always confused me. As a parent, my child is the most beautiful thing in the world to me. I'll be damned is someone calls my child ugly. Thankfully, everyone has been gracious enough to comment positively on my child's looks. But what if your child really isn't? What if your child should have the nickname, "Oh Shit!"? What if yours is the child that God shook from the ugly tree until she fell off and onto your lap? Yes, that child is yours and you'll do and say everything to praise the child and make him or her feel special and wanted, but damn it if at the back of your mind you're thinking my child is one fucking ugly kid.
It's every soon-to-be (STB) parent's hope that their child is born healthy and happy, but nothing is ever said about having an attractive baby. SURE...it's implied. But never said. People ask these STB parents all the time, "Do you want a boy or a girl?" And they happily answer, "I don't care, so long as it's healthy." Nobody really answers, "I don't care, so long as it doesn't have the face of a chameleon."
Maybe it's the I'm-Not-Materialistic-Even-Though-I-Really-Am attitude of us people. We say we don't care so long as the baby's healthy and for the most part we're right. But, I believe, that part of being healthy is being healthy-LOOKING. Meaning, not cross-eyed or flat-faced or what-not.
I don't know...sometimes I think we should just be completely honest with some parents and tell them, "Dayam, you've got a butt-ugly kid." Maybe we don't say it to spare the feelings of the child. But, are we really sparing the child or delaying the obvious? I say tell them. Let them get used to the idea. At least there won't be any surprises later in life.
Besides, there's always Extreme Makeover...right?
Ain't it funny?
It's every soon-to-be (STB) parent's hope that their child is born healthy and happy, but nothing is ever said about having an attractive baby. SURE...it's implied. But never said. People ask these STB parents all the time, "Do you want a boy or a girl?" And they happily answer, "I don't care, so long as it's healthy." Nobody really answers, "I don't care, so long as it doesn't have the face of a chameleon."
Maybe it's the I'm-Not-Materialistic-Even-Though-I-Really-Am attitude of us people. We say we don't care so long as the baby's healthy and for the most part we're right. But, I believe, that part of being healthy is being healthy-LOOKING. Meaning, not cross-eyed or flat-faced or what-not.
I don't know...sometimes I think we should just be completely honest with some parents and tell them, "Dayam, you've got a butt-ugly kid." Maybe we don't say it to spare the feelings of the child. But, are we really sparing the child or delaying the obvious? I say tell them. Let them get used to the idea. At least there won't be any surprises later in life.
Besides, there's always Extreme Makeover...right?
Ain't it funny?
On Male Bashing...
Imma be rude here so if you don't like it, move on...
This one goes out to all the females in the man-haters club...WE DON'T LIKE YOU EITHER! To say that men are pigs and that men are dog and we're this and that totally disrespects you more than it does us. Yes, I know, I'm probably preaching to the choir, but go with me a little on this, will you?
First off, I'm all for equality and pro-choice and the women's movement and all of that. You want equality, you've got my vote. But don't dog (no pun intended) me for being a man. I don't shit in your toilet, don't shit in mine. I don't call you a ho for using your "feminine charm" in getting out of a speeding ticket. I don't call you a bitch for beating me out of a job by using the same "feminine charm". But no...if I happen to get the job on merit and you just don't see it that way then it's descrimination.
Chivarly is dead and women killed it. I can't hold a door open for a woman anymore without the worry of being told that she can open a door for herself. Well, why don't you stand in the doorway while I slam it in your face so you can open it again? Please give me your hand and let me help you out of the car...or would you rather I just get out and go on my merry way? I'm all for dutch-minded women, but please, don't insult my being a man by not letting me pay for you. Shit, woman...it's a free meal, damn it! And NO, I don't expect anything other than a thank you and maybe a hug at the end of the night.
Yes, I will agree, there are a few lacivious dogs in the bunch. Don't blame the rest of us men if you attract them. We have an asshole detector. Yours probably just takes a little while to work...a long while. Meanwhile, thousands of wonderful men out there go unclaimed and unloved.
I see it all the time in the classified ads...
"Wanted: SWM, 25-35, at least 5'10", muscular, good-looking (a six pack would be nice), well-endowed, professional"
What I read is:
"Wanted: SWM, at least asshole, asshole (a six-pack would be nice), asshole, asshole asshole"
These are the same men who read the classified ads looking for:
"Wanted: SWF, 21-25, blond, blue eyed, fine as hell with a rack to die for"
These are the same guys you see on TV dating shows. The Bachelor and the Bachelorette are shows that are supposed to have "regular" guys. Most guys I know weren't Harvard grads, bank owners, millionaire-heirs, successful business owners and professional athletes. Mos guys I know work the grinding 9-5 hours, come home to an empty apartment only to live it up on the weekends. These men have legitimate hobbies and cannot afford the jetset lifestyle.
The cheesy men on shows like Blind Date and Elimidate...these are the average guys? NOPE. Don't think so. Sorry. I pull for the underdog guys. I pull for the guy who looks like he doesn't deserve the girl but shows the girl that he has so much more to offer her than outward appearances.
These are the real men, ladies. Hunk boy usually isn't. The iconic stars you objectify...the Brad Pitts and the Justin Timberlakes and Ben Afflecks...they are just that...icons. Unreal.
Next time you dog us, women, think of who ELSE you lump in with that stereotype.
This ain't funny.
This one goes out to all the females in the man-haters club...WE DON'T LIKE YOU EITHER! To say that men are pigs and that men are dog and we're this and that totally disrespects you more than it does us. Yes, I know, I'm probably preaching to the choir, but go with me a little on this, will you?
First off, I'm all for equality and pro-choice and the women's movement and all of that. You want equality, you've got my vote. But don't dog (no pun intended) me for being a man. I don't shit in your toilet, don't shit in mine. I don't call you a ho for using your "feminine charm" in getting out of a speeding ticket. I don't call you a bitch for beating me out of a job by using the same "feminine charm". But no...if I happen to get the job on merit and you just don't see it that way then it's descrimination.
Chivarly is dead and women killed it. I can't hold a door open for a woman anymore without the worry of being told that she can open a door for herself. Well, why don't you stand in the doorway while I slam it in your face so you can open it again? Please give me your hand and let me help you out of the car...or would you rather I just get out and go on my merry way? I'm all for dutch-minded women, but please, don't insult my being a man by not letting me pay for you. Shit, woman...it's a free meal, damn it! And NO, I don't expect anything other than a thank you and maybe a hug at the end of the night.
Yes, I will agree, there are a few lacivious dogs in the bunch. Don't blame the rest of us men if you attract them. We have an asshole detector. Yours probably just takes a little while to work...a long while. Meanwhile, thousands of wonderful men out there go unclaimed and unloved.
I see it all the time in the classified ads...
"Wanted: SWM, 25-35, at least 5'10", muscular, good-looking (a six pack would be nice), well-endowed, professional"
What I read is:
"Wanted: SWM, at least asshole, asshole (a six-pack would be nice), asshole, asshole asshole"
These are the same men who read the classified ads looking for:
"Wanted: SWF, 21-25, blond, blue eyed, fine as hell with a rack to die for"
These are the same guys you see on TV dating shows. The Bachelor and the Bachelorette are shows that are supposed to have "regular" guys. Most guys I know weren't Harvard grads, bank owners, millionaire-heirs, successful business owners and professional athletes. Mos guys I know work the grinding 9-5 hours, come home to an empty apartment only to live it up on the weekends. These men have legitimate hobbies and cannot afford the jetset lifestyle.
The cheesy men on shows like Blind Date and Elimidate...these are the average guys? NOPE. Don't think so. Sorry. I pull for the underdog guys. I pull for the guy who looks like he doesn't deserve the girl but shows the girl that he has so much more to offer her than outward appearances.
These are the real men, ladies. Hunk boy usually isn't. The iconic stars you objectify...the Brad Pitts and the Justin Timberlakes and Ben Afflecks...they are just that...icons. Unreal.
Next time you dog us, women, think of who ELSE you lump in with that stereotype.
This ain't funny.
The Fourth of July
What's up with this holiday? Okay, let me preface by saying I am as patriotic as the next guy. I'm cool with putting all the flags up and the red white and blue and America this and America that. I'm proud to be an American. What I don't get is why this holiday has suddenly become the barbecue weekend? Suddenly, this day has people thinking, "You know, I think I want to put some meat over a flame. I've been dying all winter to do that. Why not wait until the 4th of July?" I'm sure Kingsford and Charbroil and Weber and cattle farmers all see a huge jump in sales right around the holiday. The thing that gets me is the meaning behind the barbecues and the reason for the holiday. We celebrate because we are free, but it seems people just see it as a day off of work so that we can eat OUTSIDE.
Another thing is the fireworks. Seems this is the only time we can see fireworks in America unless you go to Disneyland or celebrate Chinese New Year. People spend thousands of dollars on elaborate shows of fireworks that shoot up in the sky and explode into beautiful falling blooms of various hues and styles. I always find it funny how people are never sure if and when the show is over. People hang and wait just that few extra minutes just in case there's a final finale. The show has this big flourish of explosives and then it stops for a bit and everyone is looking at each other, "Are they done? Is that it?" And then, boom, more fireworks and we cheer...just like Pavlov's dogs. We're all just a bunch of idiots, aren't we?
I find it funny too that school band boosters and football boosters and the chess and debate teams and the like can sell fireworks within a given community to make money yet those same fireworks are illegal to use in the same community. What the fuck is up with that? That's like seeing a beautiful naked lady lying on your bed in your room, getting naked yourself, and then just standing there, not doing anything. Why, because you can't...it's illegal. It don't make sense! It's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. What makes it even funnier is the fact that on the outside walls of the fireworks vendors stalls are big banners clearly stating that fireworks are illegal in that community. You can have it...but you can't use it here.
Ain't it funny?
Another thing is the fireworks. Seems this is the only time we can see fireworks in America unless you go to Disneyland or celebrate Chinese New Year. People spend thousands of dollars on elaborate shows of fireworks that shoot up in the sky and explode into beautiful falling blooms of various hues and styles. I always find it funny how people are never sure if and when the show is over. People hang and wait just that few extra minutes just in case there's a final finale. The show has this big flourish of explosives and then it stops for a bit and everyone is looking at each other, "Are they done? Is that it?" And then, boom, more fireworks and we cheer...just like Pavlov's dogs. We're all just a bunch of idiots, aren't we?
I find it funny too that school band boosters and football boosters and the chess and debate teams and the like can sell fireworks within a given community to make money yet those same fireworks are illegal to use in the same community. What the fuck is up with that? That's like seeing a beautiful naked lady lying on your bed in your room, getting naked yourself, and then just standing there, not doing anything. Why, because you can't...it's illegal. It don't make sense! It's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. What makes it even funnier is the fact that on the outside walls of the fireworks vendors stalls are big banners clearly stating that fireworks are illegal in that community. You can have it...but you can't use it here.
Ain't it funny?
On Drivers...
I hate idiot drivers. You know...driving too slow in the fast lane, blinker on FOR TWELVE MILES AND COUNTING and picking his nose like he's surrounded by mirrors instead of windows. These people are the true root of road rage. Although there are the funny drivers.
That guy who's got his lean on, lips puckered like he's LL Cool J, head bobbing to the $8,000 stereo he's still making payments on, driving the semi-tricked out 1994 Acura Integra he inherited from his Dad when they bought the van conversion, thinking his shit is the shit.
Or that karaoke lady who's got the windows rolled up all the way so she can sing at the top of her lungs like her car's a recording studio and she's got the hand movements going on at the same time.
Or the "road mac" who thinks he's God's gift to women, windows rolled down, eyes darting all over the place looking for the hottie in the next car, and then cat-calling out to her thinking he can get her digits.
Me, I'm the guy that does all the yelling...windows rolled up. I may vent that way, but at least my rage is contained.
Yeah, I'm one of 'em.
Ain't it funny?
That guy who's got his lean on, lips puckered like he's LL Cool J, head bobbing to the $8,000 stereo he's still making payments on, driving the semi-tricked out 1994 Acura Integra he inherited from his Dad when they bought the van conversion, thinking his shit is the shit.
Or that karaoke lady who's got the windows rolled up all the way so she can sing at the top of her lungs like her car's a recording studio and she's got the hand movements going on at the same time.
Or the "road mac" who thinks he's God's gift to women, windows rolled down, eyes darting all over the place looking for the hottie in the next car, and then cat-calling out to her thinking he can get her digits.
Me, I'm the guy that does all the yelling...windows rolled up. I may vent that way, but at least my rage is contained.
Yeah, I'm one of 'em.
Ain't it funny?
On Being Brown...
I think it only fitting that I make fun of myself (and my people) first. If I can't laugh at myself, who am I to laugh at others, right?
I am a Filipino and I'm incredibly proud to say it. But, (now here comes the funny parts) we are some strange ass people.
1. There is a strong segment of the Filipino community (y'all know who you are) who are just straight-up ghetto-fabulous. What I mean is, when it comes to the bling...rollin' the black on chrome Benz with the limo tint, sportin' the platinum pinkie ring, hair always did, clothes always pimpin' and pressed, etc., etc...basically,you got your game down. You know how to show it. But, turn it around and you're still the same straight-out-of-the-can-Ligo-sardines eatin', Spartan tsinelas wearin', so dark-skinned you're purple, house always smelling like adobo fool. If you're going to represent or keep it real...KEEP IT REAL. Don't front.
2. You will never-EVER see a F.O.B. on Fear Factor for a couple of reasons. First, all of the shit they force you to eat...balut, bulls balls, goats eyes and the like...that's part of our recommended daily allowances. It's on our food pyramid, right below dairy. And the bugs and snakes they force you to lie around in, wouldn't scare us because even mosquitos don't want to come near our blood. That's stuff trapped WITH us in the mosquito netting at night. Second of all, all of that climbing and rappelling and shit they make you do, we can do all of that barefoot. We climb coconut trees with no ropes or spikes or anything...everyday. Third of all, we are some ugly-ass fools. Short ugly people DO NOT make it on Fear Factor. Who wants to watch some monkey looking fool when Miss February 2003 is at the point of yacking in her bikini?
3. Rice Rockets...there will never be a Filipino NASCAR or F1 champion. Our shit is just too ghetto. Your tricked out Honda Civic with the six-foot wing and dual exhausts with the 18-inch alloys are not going to get you into the circuit, no matter how many quarter-miles you do. You will also never get any Filipino-owned sponsorship either. Sure your Momo and Nismo and Pirelli and Pioneer stickers are fine. Yeah, it's great to have your car club logo on your ride too. But, in NASCAR, companies actually pay YOU to put their logo on your car and I have yet to see a car with San Miguel's Logo emblazoned all over it. I doubt I will ever see a race car with the Jolibee character on it's hood. It just ain't gonna happen. It would be funny though. I can imagine the announcer now, "Driving the blue number 6 Goldilocks car, from Panggasinan, Philippines, Magtanggol 'Manny' Balosbalos." There will be more on this topic in future additions to this blog.
That's just my 2 cents for today.
Ain't it funny?
I am a Filipino and I'm incredibly proud to say it. But, (now here comes the funny parts) we are some strange ass people.
1. There is a strong segment of the Filipino community (y'all know who you are) who are just straight-up ghetto-fabulous. What I mean is, when it comes to the bling...rollin' the black on chrome Benz with the limo tint, sportin' the platinum pinkie ring, hair always did, clothes always pimpin' and pressed, etc., etc...basically,you got your game down. You know how to show it. But, turn it around and you're still the same straight-out-of-the-can-Ligo-sardines eatin', Spartan tsinelas wearin', so dark-skinned you're purple, house always smelling like adobo fool. If you're going to represent or keep it real...KEEP IT REAL. Don't front.
2. You will never-EVER see a F.O.B. on Fear Factor for a couple of reasons. First, all of the shit they force you to eat...balut, bulls balls, goats eyes and the like...that's part of our recommended daily allowances. It's on our food pyramid, right below dairy. And the bugs and snakes they force you to lie around in, wouldn't scare us because even mosquitos don't want to come near our blood. That's stuff trapped WITH us in the mosquito netting at night. Second of all, all of that climbing and rappelling and shit they make you do, we can do all of that barefoot. We climb coconut trees with no ropes or spikes or anything...everyday. Third of all, we are some ugly-ass fools. Short ugly people DO NOT make it on Fear Factor. Who wants to watch some monkey looking fool when Miss February 2003 is at the point of yacking in her bikini?
3. Rice Rockets...there will never be a Filipino NASCAR or F1 champion. Our shit is just too ghetto. Your tricked out Honda Civic with the six-foot wing and dual exhausts with the 18-inch alloys are not going to get you into the circuit, no matter how many quarter-miles you do. You will also never get any Filipino-owned sponsorship either. Sure your Momo and Nismo and Pirelli and Pioneer stickers are fine. Yeah, it's great to have your car club logo on your ride too. But, in NASCAR, companies actually pay YOU to put their logo on your car and I have yet to see a car with San Miguel's Logo emblazoned all over it. I doubt I will ever see a race car with the Jolibee character on it's hood. It just ain't gonna happen. It would be funny though. I can imagine the announcer now, "Driving the blue number 6 Goldilocks car, from Panggasinan, Philippines, Magtanggol 'Manny' Balosbalos." There will be more on this topic in future additions to this blog.
That's just my 2 cents for today.
Ain't it funny?
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