My Nanay (that's what I called her) passed away on Monday (our time). It's been really hard on most of the family. We're a pretty big family as she had 10 kids. As for the grandkids, it's been especially hard for me because I'm the only one, the only grandkid that she really took care of. From the time I was an infant, she came and took care of me so my mom could work and my dad didn't have to worry about who was watching me. She protected me from spankings or when I would do something bad. When I was potty training and had to poop at night and was scared of the dark, she would go with me, wait with me while I went, squinty eyes because the bathroom light was so bright. She taught me silly songs, watched me and my sister play in the park. As I got older, we would walk together and talk about trivial things. She helped teach me Tagalog. As I grew into manhood and was in college, I relished the times I would stop by and see her and we would sit by the window and just talk for hours. When she was sick with the cold or something minor, I stepped up and took her to the doctor. I'd give her back rubs and would massage her head when she'd had a headache.
I was proud when she came to my wedding, I was proud to show off my wife and my son to her. I'm sure she was happy at the man I had become.
I miss her terribly and though the initial shock has passed, I still think of her and shed a tear. I'm leaving in an hour for the airport to go and pay my respects to this special lady. I don't want to go because going solidifies the fact that she's really gone. I know she has lived a long and storied life. She's been able to travel the world and she's had many stories to tell. Not bad for a farmer's wife.
I know she's in a better place now and that she's making ready all of our places in heaven. I don't know if I ever told her that I loved her. Ours wasn't a relationship where those words were spoken. I know she knows I did. And even though she's gone now, I'm happy I'll have a chance to tell her one last time.
